Muskeg Daily Creek. Dateline: Before the next one......
Chapter 3
Cousin Alder J, Hancock
Muskeg Creek divides at Peeps Bend, east into the salt water Hobsons Bay , and south flowing into Lake Hancock , which in turn feeds into other lakes and rivers, before dividing three ways. In theory one can pee into Lake Hancock , and pollute three oceans. That is one claim to fame not listed in the guidebooks, or widely publicised - especially in these days of anti-pollution, of people being Green friendly, and non-smokers environmentally conscious, and into the recycling of beer cans.
Lake Hancock is so named, after one of the great northern explorers of the 19th century, Scotsman Alder J. Hancock. He discovered the settlement, and it's native inhabitants, while on his quest to chart the north and find a route to the Pacific Ocean . It was here that he established a trading post, and the beginnings of commercialising Muskeg Creek. This town has developed from bartering of beads, blankets and pelts, to modern conveniences of, Walmart, Canadian Tire, and Supermarkets.
This is of course now all part of our National heritage. Desperate to show a history, it seems the normal tradition, to celebrate and mark any and every little event, with a monument. Thus, the original site of the settlement has been marked with a statue to A. J. Hancock.
A ten-foot tall bronze statue of Hancock stands on the shore, by the Marina. His right hand shields his eyes peering into the vast beyond, in his other hand a compass. He is dressed in his tartan kilt, with sporran, and knife tucked into knee length socks. A tam-o-shanter protects his head from bird droppings but not his face, which has distinctive white streaks of raven and pigeon. Hancock's historic statue was cast in the 1930's, reflecting the art deco of those times. This is one of the many exciting attractions listed in the Muskeg tourist brochure to have your photograph taken next to.
Taffy Evans is a retired electrician and, as his name implies, is a Welshman who moved to the town as a boy. Taffy, proud of his British roots, swears that having traced his family tree, he is a three times removed cousin on his mothers side to the Scottish Hancock. To show his fondness and devotion to family and Hancock, every year after a few whiskies on New Years Eve, Taffy clambers up the statue, sits on Hancock's head and sings 'Galloway Bay', 'We'll keep a welcome in the hillside', and 'I belong to Glasgow'. He refuses to dismount until the clock strikes twelve, and after his version of Old Lang Syne, echoes across the Bay.
One year, Margo his wife complained bitterly that his trousers were covered in bird droppings, and forbade him to do the same next year. Well, to try and stop Taffy was the last thing anyone should do. He is a determined man, somewhat stubborn, and mildly eccentric. He would do outlandish things such as into Walmart and shout Canadian Tire. When a close friend called him eccentric, he calmly replied, "Thank you that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me today. But eccentrics are people with money, I am just a normal guy with a different outlook in life".
A small man, Taffy, stands 5ft 2' in his Mukluks, his once jet-black hair has turned a distinguished silver grey. He often jokes that his grey matter is now showing. Years of pushing wires through conduit pipes and rewiring houses have taken their toll, and to combat rheumatism he wears a copper bracelet on each wrist. Taffy enjoys his retirement, and has a wry smile; his sunken eyes have the mischievous glint of a little child. Taffy has been diagnosed with an "obsession compulsive disorder." This means at times when he has an idea, he has a one track mind nothing else matters until the solution is found.
Knowing that the bird droppings on his trousers was an annoyance to his wife; he made a New Year resolution to clean the statue every week. Taffy's resolution and commitment lasted until the end of January, when he became disheartened; as soon as he cleaned up Hancock's face the birds would return to perch on the Tam-o-Shanter and quietly do their business.
Over the winter months Taffy mulled over the problem, and at last the solution became clear. In the spring he set about wiring the statue to send an electric current, a full 110 volts through the statue. It worked, but rather than preventing birds from resting on his Bronze relative, it killed them. The next morning dozens of birds were legs up dead around the statue.
Native Johnny Two Crow collected some of the birds under the guises of giving them a Christian burial. He was in fact going to make raven stew, for himself and family, which for them was a rare treat. He explained to me that it had to be cooked in a special way, as the raven can be tough to eat.
"Make a campfire" he grinned through his gapped teeth. "Boil a pot of water, and place three stones inside. After plucking and preparing the bird, put into the pot with vegetables and herbs, and leave for eight hours." His grin was turning to a broad smile, knowing he had my full attention, he continued "After a final stir the birds are removed, discarded, and the stones eaten"! He roared with laughter at my gullibility, but did invite me to a supper of raven and pigeon stew. Oh, and yes it tasted like chicken!
Back at the Hancock statue, conservationists were up in arms picketing. They were walking around the statue waving banners, chanting "Save the Birds. Protect the Raven, and Stop the killing" eventually Taffy disconnected the electricity. The conservationists and Taffy did however come to a compromise. A much smaller current was allowed to be sent through Hancock, which would give a mild shock like an electric fence for cattle, to deter and not kill the birds, a compromise both Taffy and conservationists were happy about.
Happy that is, until Taffy saw what little effect the small charge was having on the birds. He watched in disbelief, as birds would land get a shock and instantly crap themselves before fly off. "Birds have a short memory" Taffy was quoted as saying in the Muskeg Chronicle. Taffy spent most of his summer by the marina, shooing birds away, acting as a human scarecrow, became a one-man tourist attraction, especially after appearing on CBC National News.
Taffy was right, the birds do have a short memory, they regularly and temporarily returned to their electric perch. Maybe they were using Hancock's electrification as a laxative! Taffy decided if he were to climb back up to greet the New Year, he would clean up first. That is exactly what he did, and around 11.30 p.m. , on December 31st. He disconnected the power. After a few whiskeys, he left Margo to mingle with the party revellers, and mounted the statue. He sat on Hancock's Tam-o-Shanter, like a king on his throne. Taffy looked at the partygoer's below, then with full voice cawed like a raven, attracting everyone's attention and then began to sing....
After the full rendition he had the attention of the crowed, from his throne Taffy led and conducted the community singing. Beginning with his three standard favourites, Galloway Bay , We'll Keep a welcome in the Hillside , and I Belong to Glasgow , after which he took requests. At midnight a large cheer went up fireworks lit the sky, loved ones hugged and kissed, hands shaken, and wishes of happy New Year rang out. Then the assembled masses formed a circle around Taffy, still perched on Hancock's head, crossing and linking hands for Auld Lang Syne.
A t the end of the first verse, and let's be honest who if anyone knows the second verse of Auld Lang Syne? - a stray rocket zoomed over the water and into an electric transformer causing a short circuit. The Hancock statue was now live. Taffy took the full charge and leapt from his mount landing in a pile of snow. He was no worse for his experience but now understanding how it felt to be a bird. After this shocking experience he disconnected the wiring, and declared to all his New Year resolution, to allow the birds to perch on his ancestor..
